If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
