if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
