Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
