weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
