why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
