batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You need a sexual gate keeper
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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