What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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