I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
