Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
