We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
