Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
