Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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