its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
