You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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