dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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