Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
no, he came in my armpit
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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