ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
