that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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