Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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