Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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