Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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