I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
