he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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