Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
smell my finger.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
