I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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