I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
