Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
