I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
