Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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