I wish I could teleport
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
