We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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