i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
