Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
