Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
