three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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