Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
