I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Send help, water and tortillas.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
