The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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