I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
