Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
