He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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