So drunk its hurt
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
