I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
