ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
