I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
