i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
