This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
