I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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