Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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