Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
